Mark exited his family group chat after Donald Trump’s victory in the 2024 election and, shortly after, stopped speaking to his family entirely. He knew his mom and siblings were conservative and pro-life, and though they didn’t really talk politics, his suspicions about their votes were confirmed when he pressed them. They had made a choice, and now he would too.

Mark had taken to social media the day after the election to rant about half the country, but there was little he could do with anger at that scale. His family offered something more manageable: a localized target for a generalized grievance. He couldn’t control how millions of Americans voted, but he could control whether the few he knew who voted for Trump remained in his life.

For anyone seeking a controlled, frictionless existence, cutting people off offers a deceptively clean solution: eliminate the point of contact.

His mother, recently widowed, is heartbroken by her son’s decision to go no contact. She tries to focus her attention on the rich relationships she still has. Mark’s siblings vacillate between annoyance and deep hurt, bewildered that something so distant from the ordinary life of their family — national politics — could enter their intimacy and overwhelm it.

The no-contact phenomenon is one manifestation of a deeper spiritual jaundice. We’re estranged from ourselves in a way that makes the risk and friction of other people difficult to bear. Politics gives that interior unease somewhere to go. It can be particularly potent as a repository for discontent because it supplies both a diagnosis and a culprit. Diffuse dissatisfaction is difficult to metabolize.

Ideology offers a simplistic answer for why you feel bad and who did it to you. And once the culprit is someone you know, you can do something about it.

Obvious forces are contributing to the rise of this phenomenon, a topic I explore in my new book, “No Contact.” Social media is an accelerant driving estrangement in a couple of ways. We habituate ourselves to a curated “community” and proceed to block, unfollow, and mute voices that introduce friction into the seamless zombie scroll. Social media also spawns what I call TikTok psychologists, whose endless short-form videos invite you to examine your workplace, family, or childhood for the hidden toxicity, narcissism, or trauma.

For a fee, you can sign up for courses that will help you “break the cycle.”

The promise is seductive: Excavate your past, locate the wound, identify its author, and your present unhappiness begins to make sense. Pundits and politics offer the same explanatory relief in the present tense, supplying villains and catastrophes with enough regularity to keep us perpetually activated. Past or present, the gaze remains trained outward. We will go surprisingly far down rabbit holes to discover what someone else did to us or is doing to us while avoiding the much more frightening journey down the rabbit hole of our souls.

The accelerants, however, presuppose something already combustible. Social media can supply the siloes, pundits the villains, and therapists the permission, but none fully explains the strange zeal with which we have embraced the promise that amputating even our most primordial relationships can make us well. And we’ve been amputating them at a rapid pace. According to recent polling, 38% of Americans are estranged from a family member, with political and ideological disagreement accounting for a significant share of these ruptures.

While it can be entirely healthy and prudent to distance oneself, even permanently, from an abusive or dangerous friend or relative, the hundreds of estranged parents I’ve encountered across the country — and those I interviewed for the book — testify to a different phenomenon: a diminishing willingness — particularly among young people — to endure the risks and friction that durable relationships require.

And nowhere are the risks higher, the friction more unavoidable, or the returns less certain than in family life.

RELATED: The myth of the ‘good person’

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Weighing the costs

By our current calculus, family is a fool’s bet. It’s a long-term investment in other human beings, with few variables or outcomes under our control. We choose a spouse without knowing who they will become in 30 years. We have children knowing they will suffer and make us suffer, without knowing what kind of people they will become, what they will believe, what they will make of their lives, or ultimately what they will make of us.

Besides the risk, there is relentless friction along the way: competing needs, irritating habits, misunderstandings, disappointments, heated political disagreements, and obligations that arrive at the most inconvenient times. Family continually frustrates our preferences and interferes with our plans. The people closest to us are those with the greatest opportunity to disturb our peace. The friction is certain, but the return on investment is not, as the no-contact phenomenon makes painfully clear.

For anyone seeking a controlled, frictionless existence, cutting people off offers a deceptively clean solution: eliminate the point of contact. And there is good reason to think its justifying logic metastasizes easily. Colleges that implemented no-contact orders to protect students from predation now report demands for such orders because a roommate ate their bagel or someone looked askance at them in the cafeteria. Avoidance pays an immediate dividend.

But the costs of avoidance compound. First, avoidance makes us more brittle. The more accustomed we become to eliminating friction rather than navigating it, the less friction we become capable of bearing. Avoidance trains us in avoidance. What begins as relief from a difficult encounter can become an increasing dependence on controlling the conditions of encounter.

Second, avoidance keeps us stuck. Friction is a form of contact with reality. Once contact ends, we lose one of the most powerful correctives to our grievances: the encounter with the actual person. In memory, the mother who wounded us can remain frozen in our minds at the moment of injury. In person, she is harder to reduce so neatly. She is irritating and funny, selfish and generous, capable of the same old failure and suddenly vulnerable in some way we hadn’t expected. The living person keeps interfering with the story we tell about her.

There is a third cost: Avoidance can become a means of avoiding ourselves. Rehearsing the reasons for a cutoff can be a vital reminder to stay away when estrangement is necessary. Persons escaping abuse may need to remember clearly what happened, particularly when guilt or loneliness threatens to draw them back imprudently.

But when the relationship was merely difficult but not dangerous, that same rehearsal can work against us. Avoidance invites us to recount our grievances continually, quieting the dissonance that might otherwise invite us to question our narrative. It’s far easier to rehearse our righteousness than it is to wrestle and reckon honestly with a more complicated account that might in part implicate ourselves.

RELATED: The real reason 1 in 3 Americans are cutting off their family

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Strangers to all?

A culture organized around minimizing risk and friction will eventually find family difficult to justify, because family is a long-term wager on goods that cannot be secured in advance and a daily encounter with people we can’t control.

Before deciding to go no contact, consider that you may be losing far more than you gain by cutting ties. Risk and friction are prerequisites of life and love. Family is indeed a bad bet if we prize control and an untroubled life, but it might be our best bet if we want a more human one.

Mark can eliminate the friction his family creates. He cannot make them cease to be his family. Nor can he know what might have happened had he stayed in contact long enough for all of them to become again something more than the worst thing he believed about them.

There is a terrible risk of remaining. But there is a risk in leaving too: that in protecting ourselves from the people who disturb our peace, we slowly become people incapable of loving and knowing anyone — and will secure one terrible result: remaining a stranger to all and to ourselves.

Editor’s note: This article is adapted from Noelle Mering’s new book, “No Contact: How a Seductive Ideology Broke Families and Friendships and How We Can Repair Them“ (Forum Books), and appeared originally at the American Mind.

​Opinion & analysis, No contact, Family, Donald trump, Politics, Psychology, Estrangement, Friction, Risk, Safe spaces 

Some parents pour years into raising their children in faith and still are forced to watch them walk away. And as a homeschool mother of seven is watching her youngest become a prodigal, she reaches out to BlazeTV host Steve Deace to ask whether she had failed.

And his answer was unequivocal: The story isn’t over.

“None of the stories of your children are finished yet,” he responds. “And for those of you that have prodigal kids, you’re maybe in the most trying time of that story. But the story isn’t written yet.”

Deace uses St. Augustine and his mother, Monica, as an example, explaining that she prayed for her son for “17 years.”

“And he would go on to eventually become arguably the most formidable mind the church has produced in the post-canon era, even to this very day, nearly 2,000 years later,” he explains.

“So that’s I think the most important thing that I could say,” he continues. “Do not quit. Do not give up. Their stories aren’t written yet. They’re not finished yet. So keep that perspective for as long as you can. The story is not over yet.”

“Many of the social pathologies and contagions that are acute in this era have their mustard seeds in the era that you and I grew up in. But even despite that, you and I both agreed emphatically it was still … simpler,” he adds.

Deace explains that it was “simpler” because there “was not an expectation when you sent your kids off to school on the first day of school that you were going to have to deprogram them every single night when they got home.”

“Going to college was considered a rarity and a reward as opposed to smart kids that now are like, ‘I’m never going there because I don’t want to become a gay race communist,’” he says.

“So it’s never easy to raise kids. But it was certainly simpler in the era that you and I grew up in compared to the era we’ve been raising our own kids in,” he continues.

“Their stories aren’t finished yet, either … so if you’re in that prodigal era, do not give up on the Lord. Do not give up on prayer, even till your dying day,” he adds.

Want more from Steve Deace?

To enjoy more of Steve’s take on national politics, Christian worldview, and principled conservatism with a snarky twist, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.

​Biblical advice, Children, Church, Faith, Homeschool, Parents, Prayer, Raising kids, St augustine, Steve deace, Blazetv show 

Most of today’s Gen Zers are criticized for the same list of bad traits: laziness, lack of discipline, social awkwardness, no sense of purpose. So it’s a rare thrill to meet someone like Mary Bowen, who not only defies each of these traits, but lays waste to each and every one of them.

Alongside her parents and nine younger siblings, Mary, just 25 years old, has spent the last 12 years building a vertically integrated independent movie studio — Industrious Family Films — which specializes in wholesome family entertainment for Christian viewers.

‘Most of what’s coming out is really — it’s base. And we’re made for more than that.’

In that time, she has produced seven feature films and nearly 20 additional productions. Her studio has recently launched its own subscription-based streaming platform. And now, Mary is directing the studio’s most ambitious project yet: “Fabiola,” a historical drama set during the final persecutions of Christians in the Roman Empire.

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Mary and discuss her unique upbringing, the growth of Industrious Family Films, and how she and her family approach filmmaking against the backdrop of today’s increasingly hollow entertainment culture.

Faye Root: Could you start by telling a little about yourself, your background, and what you do?

Mary Bowen: I’m the oldest of 10 children, and we are all homeschooled. Growing up, we actually didn’t watch any movies. We’d gotten rid of the TV, DVDs, and VHSs. No Saturday morning cartoons or anything. That really gave us an opportunity to grow up without screens. We did a lot of animals, gardening, some instruments.

But in 2012, for the first time in about four or five years, we watched a movie — a film made by a homeschool group in Connecticut. And it inspired us to work on making movies and populating the industry with Christian films that anybody can sit down and watch.

And of course, we watch movies now. But having that break really gave us this “aha” moment because it was not a normal Hollywood mainstream film. So that’s kind of where our love of filmmaking came from.

FR: What’s it like working with your family on your films? Does everybody have an area of expertise?

MB: Many hands make light work for sure. And yes, we all can do it, but we all do have our little areas of expertise.

I’m the creative director, so I’m in charge of camera angles, and I run the camera. I do the costumes, sets, props, editing — the visual stuff. And then my sister kind of runs the show as far as organizing schedules, getting people where they need to be, making sure everything’s streamlined.

My dad does a lot with set decorating and construction, and then my brothers help do that. I have one brother who’s “the tech,” so if something’s not working, he gets it to work. And then another brother who really does everything. He’s especially good at lights.

FR: Your lighting in the “Fabiola” scenes was excellent.

Yeah, we spent two weeks just working on lighting for that — the prison scene. I was really glad with the way it turned out. My brother and my mom did most of that, and then my sister and I stood in as the actors because we were getting all the lighting set up before [the actors] got there.

My mom and dad help a lot with everything. Especially my mom. She’s definitely an assistant director in a sense. She’s also really good at makeup. Some of my brothers can do makeup too, though. And then my sisters, they help with everything.

FR: Can you talk more about your mom and dad and how they influenced your path in life?

MB: They are adventurers in their own sense. We live on a homestead. A dream of my mom’s was to live in a yurt, and they did it. They bought a 30-foot yurt, and that’s what they live in. All 12 of us were in there at one point.

My dad’s a manager at a tire shop. My mom’s always been a homeschool mom. She has seven students in school right now. Three of us are graduated. My youngest brother is five.

They’ve definitely encouraged any reasonable whim or hobby we’ve ever wanted to do and helped us along the way. But they were hands-off enough that we were able to try things. And ruin things. I’ve ruined sewing machines. I’ve ruined cameras. Eventually your mind adjusts, and you think, “My mom and dad bought a $300 camera, and I dropped it.” That generosity … as you grow, you get more of an understanding and respect.

FR: Making a film is such a complicated challenge when compared to most other art forms. But rather than emphasize the need for film school, for instance, I’ve heard you speak about the importance of the deeper skills needed to undertake such an endeavor — hard work, stick-to-itiveness, etc. Could you speak more about that?

MB: Yeah, I think even that came out of just the fact that we were gardening and taking care of animals and things at home. You learn responsibility at a young age.

For example, we had a milk cow, and I was at 10 or 11 when it was my job to take care of the milk cow in the morning — my sister and I. And now, looking back at my younger brothers and sisters who are that age, that’s actually a lot to expect of a kid! But it’s so doable if they’re given the opportunity.

And this translates to film, where yes, it’s super complicated. But you can do it if you’re given the tools and allowed to make mistakes. Your first project doesn’t have to be perfect. Things can happen — just like the cow can get out. But it’s not the end of the world.

So I translate that to film where, actually, if you stick to it, even if it’s hard to do, if you see it through, you have a sense of accomplishment. It’s surprising that you can even do it at a young age. We made our first movie when I was 14.

But that’s the biggest challenge for some people is seeing a project to the end. That’s where a lot of discouragement comes from. It’s hard, and you get in the thick of it, and it’s like, “This is a mess, and I don’t want to ever do this again!” But then you complete it, and you show it, and you have a party, and then you’re like, “Oh, this is so addictive.”

FR: What do you think of the mainstream films coming out of Hollywood today?

MB: I don’t watch a whole lot of movies that come out right away. Most of what’s coming out is really — it’s base. And we’re made for more than that. We’re made to love beauty and to aspire to nobleness. And we need to provide that for each other, actually. We need to give that to each other so that we can all be good and wholesome people and pleasing to God.

And when you’re constantly being given base entertainment, society slowly declines. And so I don’t consume a lot of modern films.

Angel Studios has really filled a hole for a lot of Christian families who don’t watch mainstream movies. And that’s great because they’re missing a part of our culture not having the experience of going to the theater, getting popcorn. Going to see a movie is like going to a baseball game — everyone should experience it. Having a pagan society creating entertainment has made it so we can’t just go enjoy a film.

Pure Flix — they don’t do theatrical runs — but the same thing. I really hope that our studio can be as big as those names just to help populate more films that people can go watch without worrying about covering their eyes.

FR: You’ve said that when making your films, you try to follow the moral censorship regulations, which were pretty universally followed in Hollywood in the 1930s to 1960s.

MB: Yes. The fact that we don’t even have a decency code for what we show each other today shows how bad our society has sunk. In some senses, a code like this would need to be updated because it’s missing things that should be a problem now that weren’t a problem then. It would be interesting if some group would get together and make one.

But yes, there are even little things, which don’t seem like they’re as big of an issue now. For instance, it was very rare to show two people in a bed together, whether they were married in the film or not.

But these guidelines were important. And it wasn’t only about promiscuity or modesty issues. In the storytelling, good vs. evil had to be resolved. Evil always had to be presented as evil. It had to be overcome by good; it couldn’t just be left with loose ends. The bad guys couldn’t get away.

Just the fact that moral censorship regulations existed in Hollywood at one point is actually kind of amazing — whereas now, I mean, Steven Spielberg just made a movie where he said you will question the existence of God.

We almost need a parallel society — and we’ve talked about this: actually having parallel entertainment. Likening it to “Fabiola,” those early Christians almost had to live underground and have a parallel society. And history repeats itself. Things have gotten so base, so disgusting, so low.

FR: Can you tell me about your streaming platform?

It started as a subscription-based app, and all of our films were there. Unfortunately, we found that the phone thing wasn’t clicking with our audience. So then we transitioned to a streaming service more like Pure Flix, and it has taken off really well. It’s been one of the most successful things we’ve done, so we’re really excited about it.

We’ve also got other filmmakers with films of a similar quality as ours, and they’re able to put their films on our streaming service, so we can share them with new audiences.

It’s just $24 a year, and there are around 40 films available.

RELATED: ‘The Faithful’ puts focus on Bible’s female figures

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FR: Could you tell us a little more about “Fabiola” and what inspired you to make it?

MB: So the story is set during the last Christian persecution, and Fabiola is a pagan Roman noblewoman — kind of a philosophical pagan. But when her dad dies, she has to wrangle with this thought of, “Do I believe in an afterlife? What is the point of existence?” She’s trying to answer these questions that didn’t really come up before, and in her search, she gathers around her many smart, content people who she later learns are Christians.

And they are executed. Persecuted and martyred. And she has to decide whether she’s going to continue to play this happy pagan or she’s going to take the stand and become a Christian — even though it might cost her her life. Several well-beloved Catholic saints like St. Sebastian and St. Agnes are portrayed and weaved into the story as well.

It’s based on a novel we read [in school], and when I read it, I thought, “When we’re ready to make an epic, this is going to be our dream project.” And so here we are working on it. We’ve filmed three scenes so far. Two will be in the end film. We’re working on completing our fundraising this year. Then we’ll be filming in 2027 and set to release in the fall of 2028.

FR: What advice would you give to homeschoolers — or any young person — who’s looking to build a business of their own?

MB: I would say just do it. Get started. Just start it, and you’ll figure it out as you go along. But definitely don’t wait for a better time or a better situation or a better opportunity. If you have an idea and it’s a dream, get started right away. Don’t be scared.

I run into that even just among people my own age. Some people are like, “I want to go to film school and then I’ll start making movies.” I made my first movie on an iPad. Just do it. With what you’ve got. Do it right now.

Industrious Family Films is currently fundraising for “Fabiola” to meet its production cost goal of $1.25 million. If you would like to support the film, you may contribute by heading to the official film website.

This interview has been edited for brevity and clarity.

​Entertainment, Filmmaking, Catholic, Christian living, Fabiola, Christian martyrs, Roman empire, Industrious family films, Mary bowen, Angel studios, Pure flix, Lifestyle, Interview 

A viral TikTok showing a daughter berating her mother over her support for Donald Trump has struck a chord with Blaze Media co-founder Glenn Beck — but not because of the political disagreement itself.

Instead, Glenn sees something larger at play.

“You made a wrong decision,” the daughter yells in the video. “And if you apologize to me for taking away my rights and the rights of everybody who can relate to me on these videos, then we would be fine. I told you in that text when you apologize for what you’ve done to this whole country, what you’ve had a hand in doing — you had a hand in this.”

“You and your people did this to my country — to all of our countries,” she added.

“That is the problem. You think it’s your country and there’s my way or the highway,” her mother responded.

“Murder is wrong! Racism is wrong! You know, he was sued over seven times for not serving black people,” the daughter yelled. “What do you have to say? What do you have to say to that?”

The daughter then called her mother “racist” and “hateful.”

“If there’s not a man in the house, then she needs to say, ‘Get out of the house. … You can have different opinions, but you are not going to speak to me that way in this house. Period,’” Glenn says.

“Show some respect. But we don’t do that any more. And the reason why is we’ve forgotten who we are. We’ve completely forgotten who we are. … We’ve lost our story as a nation; we’ve lost our story as a people,” he adds.

Glenn notes that this problem stems from people no longer knowing who they are.

“When you can actually be silent for 20 minutes and just be alone with your own thoughts, you’re comfortable with knowing who you are. But I don’t think most of us even know who we are any more or why we’re here or what life is really for,” he explains.

“We are beginning to think we’re all here for politics. We’re not here for politics, gang. We’re not. We’re not fighting politics. We are fighting the collective versus the individual,” he says. “And that is a God thing.”

Want more from Glenn Beck?

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​Daughter, Donald trump, Identity, Mother, Politics, Tiktok, God, Glenn beck, Blazetv show